Clive Alexander-Clarke

ᗪᕮᗩᏒ ᗪ¡ᗩᏒY: “What is the most resilient parasite? Bacteria? A virus? An intestinal worm? An idea. Resilient... highly contagious. Once an idea has taken hold of the brain it's almost impossible to eradicate. An idea that is fully formed - fully understood - that sticks; right in there somewhere…” [👺Wow! You went ALL out, the whole quote. ᗩᑎᗪ so appropriate!] The 7am 🕖 diners have been decimated. Reduced to 4 including myself. EP. ᗷᏒᕮᗩᏦFᗩᏚT...🥓🍳☕️. goes very well…🤗 Surfing. 🏄‍♂️ [not that kind] yesterday I l👀ked at the ᏚTᏒᗩᐯᗩ challenges. “Mistake…” I only needed 77 miles and change to complete another Rapha 500. I completed this challenge out of spite and despite last year in England 🇬🇧. The ᗯᕮᗩTᕼᕮᏒ was poor, damp, ᑕOᏞᗪ🥶 and windy. I could barely walk when I started it in Tᕼᕮ ᗰᗩTᏒ¡᙭ by mistake. There were errors in calculations ᗩᑎᗪ I wasn’t entirely sure when it started. Completing it in 5 ᗪᗩY’Ꮪ instead of the allotted 8. [discounting the mileage completed in Tᕼᕮ ᗰᗩTᏒ¡᙭ “Do you know what's waiting beyond that beach? Immortality! Take it! It's yours!…” After Brads pep talk I was ready to go. There was no discernible wind 💨 direction “It’s a trap!…” [👺 In honour of Sheldon] It’s early, just after 8am 🕗 I’m taking things very easy, there’s a long ways to go. No climbing in the big ring 💍 [not that kind] lift and coast on the descents, ᗩᑎᗪ definitely no imaginary races [👺That really will be your downfall] There are a lot of early riders about all going in the other direction. I make a stop 🛑 as Sky are warning ⚠️ me about low data. I roll 3 gb ᗩᑎᗪ keep on rolling. [👺excuse the pun] At Maspalomas the traffic builds ᗩᑎᗪ riders start passing me. Some say hello 👋🏾 some don’t. I can see Tenerife. Can’t imagine there’s much else but that mountain on the island 🏝️ [bigger much bigger] ⛰️[with snow on top] 🗻[easier to l👀k at the picture.] I’m going to the end of the ᏒOᗩᗪ or as far as the ᏒOᗩᗪ allows since the land slide in 2017. ¡ᗰᕼO² they should never fix the ᏒOᗩᗪ. At the moment all cyclists have to either drive to Mogân or catch a boat ⛴️. All cyclists go to Mogân as arguably the best climb on the island 🏝️ starts there - Serenity. [👺 It’s just good business. Open the ᏒOᗩᗪ less ferry ⛴️ traffic] let’s face it, no rider is taking a boat ⛴️ if they can ride [👺That’s cutting into ᑕOᖴᖴᕮᕮ ☕️ money 💰] I pass Puerto Rico [where you catch the ferry ⛴️ to Mogân], now I’m in uncharted territory. Riders are still passing me. [👺What do they know that you don’t?]🤔 At Taurito there is a Road Block. My Spanish 🇪🇸 isn’t good but the barbwire and the concrete blocks certainly say don’t enter, even the sign 🪧 says something about fines ᗩᑎᗪ beheadings 💀 go no further absolutely, never, no exceptions. So I pushed ᗪᗩKOTᗩ ᖴC across to the gap in the fence and joined the rest of pedestrians and runners. The wall is Ꮮ¡TᕮᏒᗩᏞᏞY a stone’s throw from Mogân. [👺It is at this point he realised that climbing Serenity and coming down the other side would’ve yielded the same mileage but less altitude] 😱 “Damn you. God damn you all to hell!..” I continue the plan. Heading back to Maspalomas, then on to Santa Lucia de Tirajana [👺At fucking last. It’s only written on the top of ALL your rides…]🫣 Still in energy conservation mode. I resisted the urge to put the hurt on many passing riders [Or at least that’s the story I’m sticking to] At El Viento 💨 there are no outside seats 🪑disaster 😱 I can continue but I need water 💦 I reluctantly ride off. I spy a surf 🏄 shop with a fridge and wander in. I’m too tired to try out my Spanish 🇪🇸 I’d probably ask to pay for his daughter’s wedding. He says he doesn’t have a daughter but also the red bull 🐂 [except red] are free 🆓 gratis - take one. [👺The universe provides] Now I’ve never used Red Bull while riding, if nothing else they’re too small, taste like shit 💩 unless you add Vodka and cost a fortune 💰[👺but they give you wings] I’m unsure how Paul McCartney and his mates are going to help in this situation but I’ll drink it…”Band on the run, band on the run And the jailer man and sailor Sam Were searching everyone…”🎶 [👺You needed a shovel to dig that one up] The last leg of this O&B&O&BAgain is the O&BAgain reasonably flat, but traffic is building my body is now fooled into thinking it’s hydrated. I’ve eaten 3 contrabands and only have a gel and a jelly energy thing. I did some calculations [👺It’s all going to go to shit 💩 now] I can turn back at that roundabout - it’ll be 7 and change back to the Hotel 🏨 SHIT 💩 NO IT ISN’T [👺Told ya❗️] Surprisingly my legs 🦵🏾 [the other one as well] are not shredded so I do what any self respecting cyclist would do when they’re 3 miles short at the end of a fucking long day. I NOODLED‼️ B2B Ꮢᗩᕈᕼᗩ 500’s…🤫 Inception… Deep Blue Sea… Troy… Return of the Jedi… The Planet of the Apes… Wings…

ᗪᕮᗩᏒ ᗪ¡ᗩᏒY: It was 8am 🕗 on the dot when I entered the big ᗷᏒᕮᗩᏦFᗩᏚT...🥓🍳☕️ room. It would appear the regular diners have missed me. I am greeted by many including staff. Another clear indication of familiarity, I am not asked my room number. The EP goes well. There has been some logical thinking 🤔 The scrambled eggs 🍳 are now next to the baked beans 🫘 with the sausages in the [LLOSZ] lazy lean-over splash zone…🫟 Last night my internet 🛜 went off a combination of my VPN [👺 He doesn’t know what that is] and the Hotel 🏨 server resetting. Thankfully I had downloaded some programs to watch. I decide on Love ❤️ Actually as it has been on my list for a long time 🕰️ A little predictable but totally enjoyable and slotted into the gap for this week’s titles. [👺 Thus negating the need to guess] “I feel it in my fingers I feel it in my toes. Christmas is all around me…”🎵🎶 Another dilemma solved [👺The Universe provides] Where to Ꮢ¡ᗪᕮ? I notice a random ᏦᑌᗪOᏚ👍🏾 from @Adam Jędrysik who appears to be in GC. L👀king at his activities his last titled “ajemares ayaguares” goes west and up ⬆️ I think it’s the recommended route from Gary J-T ᗩᏦᗩ “The Puppet Master” so I’m stealing it. Thanks Adam, but you’ll also be to blame, if [👺WHEN] it all goes wrong! It’s around 1000 vertical meters…😳Unfortunately the unadulterated perloin did not work as ᏚTᏒᗩᐯᗩ really is poo 💩 at many things, maps and routes included ¡ᗰᕼO² I kinda know the route so plot it quickly on trusty KOᗰOOT [👺Never let us down and even bailed us out a couple of times] Some windmills are rotating but in no unilaterally direction. I head west and can feel a helping hand ushering me…💨That may be a problem on the way back Meh!🤷🏾‍♂️ Many groupetters pass heading east. They’re all reasonably friendly with handlebars waves. I take it easy into Maspalomas on the HC-500, then head north up GC-80. Many riders pass in the opposite direction [not as friendly] 20ish Off Road Vehicles pass on their way back from doing fun things [👺They l👀ked ᗩᗷSOᏞᑌTᕮᏞY knackered] The road is a gentle 1% until you see the dam at. Ayaguares [👺Thats the name of Adam’s route you half-inched] then it kicks up 🆙 narrow switch backs replace the gentle curves. They aren’t difficult and in no time I’m as high a the dam. Which is only accessible to residents. According to the sign 🪧 ᗩᑎᗪ If my logic is right? Why would it not be accessible to residents. Meh! 🤷🏾‍♂️ I follow the narrow ᏒOᗩᗪ up [👺What if this is the area accessible only to residents?] “It’s easier to ask forgiveness than permission…” [👺Maybe if we were somewhere you speak the language] The ᏒOᗩᗪ soon runs out and is replaced by a sharp rocked dirt track. It says “Abandon all hope ye who travel further…” A ᏒOᗩᗪ ᗷ¡Ꮶᕮ comes down. I continue onwards [👺Assumptive Mistake‼️] There is no right or wrong way on this surface. If you get a ᕈᑌᑎᑕTᑌᏒᕮ, that was the wrong way - simples…🤷🏾‍♂️ I am now faced with another area that has some water 💦 but I’m assuming it should be a little deeper than a bath 🛁 It is obvious that lava 🌋and probably water 💦 carved out this whole valley, much like the Grand Canyon. I’ve only seen it from the air and Saturday afternoon Westerns. But this place could be the same albeit smaller. I retrace my wheel tracks and find the up 🆙 ᏒOᗩᗪ. An electric ⚡️ bike that passed me earlier comes past me ᗩᏀᗩ¡ᑎ on the Seven-Eleven [👺Those are the gradients of this ᏒOᗩᗪ]. It is agonising. So much so I evoke the “No climbing in sunglasses” rule. They’re just collecting sweat… 😥 I reach the top and several young riders are celebrating getting to that point. I take a quick picture of the view and exit stage left before one of them can lift their bike above their head [👺Oh hell no‼️] my thoughts exactly… Vanguard’s on its time for the descent. After a while I catch electric ⚡️ bike to pro to say hello green jersey. My favourite part of the video. I want to show him how the Doppler effect works at 35 mph but it’ll probably be waisted on him. Zooooooom Z…. All too soon I’m back at Maspalomas and heading east on the GC-500 with all its stingy climbs. The predicted head wind has become a cross tail wind 💨…win🙌🏾 I loop past the Hotel 🏨 and head down to the Wind… 💨 At El Viento, I find myself alone. The place is almost empty. I negotiate the toppings on my ᕈ¡ZZᗩ🍕 food of the Gods with the waitress and choose a small San Miguel. “I have a cunning plan…” to refuel then sprint up the GC-65 [👺sprint! NFW!] around the hairpins then back to the flyover, noodling back to the Hotel 🏨 for a cheeky 💯 km.. I’ve only go 17 miles to go. It would. Ꮢᑌᗪᕮ not to. As I devour my food 🍕 A rider I passed earlier walks up past the restaurant pushing a black Pinarello F. I was doing 30mph and would not have guessed that was a Pinarello far less an F. It adds weight to my theory that all ᗷᏞᗩᑕᏦ ᗷ¡ᏦᕮᏚ l👀k the same [👺Tᕼᕮ ¡ᏒOᑎY is killing us‼️] I order a coke [👺Full Fat] what else…🤷🏾‍♂️ down that. [👺Are you going to sprint now?😂] That may have been an exaggeration of biblical proportions. By the time 🕰️ I got to the foot of the GC-65. near the cemetery, I’m willing to trade for a coffin ⚰️ I’m so done. I have two gels. Correction use two gels take off the Vanguard’s as I’m Leaking like the Herald of Free Enterprise. Everyone is going the other way and their chirpy waves mock me or at least that’s how it feels…🤡 At the junction of the GC-551 a quick calculation equals going back down will come up woefully shy of 💯 km. I don the Vanguard’s and choose happiness [👺Thats right 👉🏾] I won’t lie, it was difficult but I made it… The endorphin rush was less than expected, but I am happy with the numbers. And dropping the electric ⚡️ bike “like third period French…” [👺Appropriate] was very fulfilling…😈 Love Actually… The Thursday Murder Club… Black Adder… Oceans Twelve…

[ᏚᏦ¡ᕈ] ᗷᏒᕮᗩᏦFᗩᏚT ᑕᏞᑌᗷ...🥓🍳☕️. I can’t be triggered ᗩᏀᗩ¡ᑎ so soon ᗩᑎᗪ decide not to join the 6am 🕕 diners. ᗪᕮᗩᏒ ᗪ¡ᗩᏒY: I’m heading up my favourite descent. It’s about 200 vertical metres. But first I have to navigate the small town of El Doctoral that I am normally “full-gas… ⛽️” through so I don’t know what it l👀ks like either way…🤷🏾‍♂️ I follow a pathed route that I have never been down that brings me out by the cemetery 🪦 and the foot 🦶🏾 of the descent. It is announced by ᏀᗩᏒᗰ¡ᑎ but I’m just “Fair” so me and ᏀᗩᏒᗰ¡ᑎ have fallen out…🤌🏾 As this is an early Ꮢ¡ᗪᕮ I’ve decided to try out my new 🆕 Assos Thermonooster P1. It is essentially a base layer, according to the oversharing sales person once they offloaded their issues ᗩᑎᗪ conditions they said the long sleeve tight fitting jersey can be worn on its own. The clever designers at Assos have included two generous, flat pockets. They think 🤔 I’ve make a mistake [👺”Big mistake. Big. Huge!…”] Now you guys are doing quotes… TBH I do think it may be an error.. The temperature is supposed to be 20°c+ I check the ᏀᗩᏒᗰ¡ᑎ, ambient is 17.5°c [🇺🇸63.5°f] and rising…😥 Ahead of me is a ᏒOᗩᗪ ᗷ¡Ꮶᕮ. ᗩᑎᗪ MTB. They are dressed for an English 🇬🇧 summer. We’re about 50 meters apart, “It’s dark and we’re wearing sunglasses…” 😎 [👺you can’t help yourself can you?] I didn’t know it at the time 🕰️ but you can see the junction where decisions are made…🤔 So far the 100 vertical metres have been in the shadow of the mountains 🏔️. What little wind 💨 there is, is helping the ribbed arms of my jersey to keep me reasonably cool. “I know that look, I don’t even have to see your face. You want to run the surface…” [👺 very appropriate as you’re about to boil in the bag] There’s only 20 more meters of shade. The rest of the climb [100 vertical meters] will be in the Sun 🌞. I can feel beads of sweat 😥 forming under my helmet. 🪖 At this point it’s worth mentioning the Vanguard’s handling of sweat 😥 which is extremely good. Since I’ve been here, at some point during a Ꮢ¡ᗪᕮ, I’ve leaked like the Titanic. As I only wear riding caps 🧢 in the UK 🇬🇧 the sweat 😥 rolls down my face inside the Vanguard’s and outside them too in equal amounts. My view is only obscures momentarily. When I take them off at the end of the Ꮢ¡ᗪᕮ they’re streaked and stained more than is noticeable while wearing them. Cleaning 🧼 is easy and the smears don’t obstruct your view until you can clean them correctly. I’m now exposed and expecting a temperature increase. The MTB has a mechanical [👺really?] so cynical, the ᏒOᗩᗪ ᗷ¡Ꮶᕮ is on the switch-backs. I’m still surprisingly comfortable. Airflow around my arms is cool. Before I know it I’m at the decision making point. Left is pain…😩 Right is fun…🤗 There is a straight ahead but that’s strictly for runners and MTB’s. I choose happiness…👉🏾 My jersey is coping remarkably well. Although I have the Z¡ᕈ lowered 5-10 cm there isn’t much cooling going on and it’s more a placebos than anything else. I’m in direct Sun 🌞 light 💡 and there is a breeze as I am moving sooooo faaaaasssssst [👺Yeah right!] ᕼOᗯ Ꮢᑌᗪᕮ! I love ❤️ fabric technology it’s so clever “Any significantly advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic”… 🪄 [👺He’s a relative] Right is so much more fun than left. And the views of the “windmills” and ocean 🌊 are as if I’m seeing them for the ᖴ¡ᏒᏚT time 🕰️ Number one bail-out point is upon me quickly. This would take me under the flyover. Nah! I continue skirting the mountainside 🏔️ The next bail-out point arrives. I’m mindful of the time 🕰️ I want to get to The Wind 💨 in time for ᗷᏒᕮᗩᏦFᗩᏚT...🥓🍳☕️ that ends at 12:30pm 🕧 One “What’s over there?…👉🏾” and it’s 1:00 pm 🕐 the initiative would be lost. I continue onwards then spy a straight ᏒOᗩᗪ almost to the ocean 🌊. Chining that off I reach the hairpin that I climbed up to on my ride the other day. That descent will be bumpy until it joins the main ᏒOᗩᗪ. I can do better. I spy a smooth new 🆕 ᏒOᗩᗪ and turn. [👺Mistake!] Hindsight is always 20/20. D’oh! It just goes in a loop around a new 🆕 estate…meh! Back on the side of the mountain ⛰️ I reach some traffic lights🚦and turn right. The ᏒOᗩᗪ descends picking up the previous bail-out ᏒOᗩᗪ. It’s smooth and fast with great sight-lines, shame the driver in front is soooo poor [👺He means shit 💩] at driving. Frustrated with their lack of anticipation, use of signals and ᏒOᗩᗪ positioning, several cars 🚗 [none of them red] overtake. The motorcycle rider frustratingly gestures as they pass…🤌🏾🖐🏾🖕🏾I could overtake but I can’t risk it, I don’t know the ᏒOᗩᗪ well enough so I hold my position, maybe next week…📆 Now down on the GC-191 it’s a straight shot to the flyover. [👺we wonder where the triplets are?] I drop down to the sea 🌊 front arriving at the Wind 💨 in plenty of time 🕰️ for ᗷᏒᕮᗩᏦFᗩᏚT...🥓🍳☕️ Last night I worked out how to translate Spanish 🇪🇸 to English 🇬🇧 on both the Vanguard’s and HSTN’s watching the news in realtime with translations. Now the real world 🌍 test. [👺 This is going to be off the chart funny 🤣] Wrong ᗩᏀᗩ¡ᑎ‼️I have to admit I thought this was a mistake, but they ᗩᗷSOᏞᑌTᕮᏞY worked ᗩᗰᗩZ¡ᑎᏀᏞY 🎧🗣️ Okay you have to wait a few seconds for the connection to the super computer Ai 🛰️📡🛰️ but you can hear 👂🏾 live translations of ALL conversations around you. It’s spooky 👻 unnerving, entertaining and addictive ᗩᑎᗪ probably so so wrong…🤫 Leaving The Wind 💨 I return to the Hotel 🏨 and sit in reception eavesdropping on “Everybody!” [👺 Cryptic] Another side effect of my covert surveillance. There is a New Year’s Eve party that I have found out about and have uncharacteristically booked a place at [👺This will be interesting, can you even stay awake until midnight?…🕛] Meh I’m more interested in the 6 course meal TBF. Also I have seen the entertainment and his entourage…🎤. The afore mentioned Apple 🍏 AirPod Pro 3’s have been bogged down by red-tape and EU regulations/restrictions and legislation. Meta just put a tiny light 💡 on the frame that no one notices and presto‼️ It’s hardly my fault if entertainment people annunciate louder than most. It’s as if they want you to hear 👂🏾 what they’re saying…🤷🏾‍♂️ Also, including yesterday’s Cervélo, a Trek, a Specialized and an unmarked ᗷ¡Ꮶᕮ [👺ᗩᑎᗪ almost on cue] like they said, a UN [never heard of that manufacturer] there are at least five other cyclists 🚴 staying in this Hotel 🏨 I’ve been here so long I order a club sandwich 🥪 and it would be Ꮢᑌᗪᕮ to not include a beer 🍺 chaser…🤷🏾‍♂️ covert surveillance is exhausting. As for the Assos jerseys, it’s magic…🪄 Pretty Woman… The Blues Brothers… The Chronicles of Riddick… Arthur C Clarke’s Third Law… Leon…

ᗪᕮᗩᏒ ᗪ¡ᗩᏒY: “In a galaxy far far away…” [👺really, like right out of the blocks!] I’m early to rise ᗩᏀᗩ¡ᑎ. My legs 🦵🏾 [the other one as well] protest any movement. I start my second run at the efficiency procedure (EP) placing 2 crustless slices of bread 🍞 in the toasting conveyor. Now simultaneously I activate the coffee ☕️ machine “Tea Earl Grey Hot…” [👺 I’ll allow it because everyone will get that quote] Back to gather my toast 🍞 grab some butter 🧈 and a plate 🍽️ Then the long walk to the double table near the end of the room, but closer to the hot food. I butter 🧈 my toast then head to the hot food area. 😱 “The Horror… The Horror…” [👺Couldn’t agree more] Some lazy savage has collected their baked beans 🫘 from the opposite side of the hot plate, instead of walking five paces around to the closer side! The resulting action has contaminated ☣️ the scrabbled eggs 🍳 with baked bean 🫘 sauce that has dripped 🩸from the serving spoon 🥄 I think there’s a baked bean 🫘 in with the scrambled eggs 🍳. This completely avoidable catastrophe ☣️ sums up today’s society [👺nope, this sums up the 7am 🕖 diners. Still Asleep 😴] I have no other choice but to have fried eggs 🍳 instead…🤬 Who knows what the 6am 🕕 diners are like [👺 Utter chaos!] I should check the plates to find the culprit…🧐 TOᗪᗩY is a rest ᗪᗩY as deemed by my legs 🦵🏾 [the other one as well] not the ᏀᗩᏒᗰ¡ᑎ. I’m going to ride towards the airport and back. I hate ‘out&backs’ but any deviation will involve climbing. That’s not a thang TOᗪᗩY so O&B it is. The windmills are all over the place this morning. Most are not windmilling, [👺 That’s actually a word]…🤔 Some face West, others South-East. The one’s that are windmilling are doing it slowly. I’m heading East. My legs 🦵🏾[Both of them] Have stopped protesting…🤷🏾‍♂️ ᏀᗩᏒᗰ¡ᑎ announces I’m “fair” ambiguity at its best. As I ride up from the flyover underpass, two riders come off the flyover. It’s official you can ride over it…🤗 I follow them comfortably Eastwards, “Do you feel lucky punk? We do ya?…” [👺 Tenuous, but classic] one turns towards the mountains 🏔️ the other rides further and takes the same turn I took yesterday towards the mountains…🏔️ I’m now above the airport. I come to a roundabout that only has a right or left. I’m confused so I go back on myself. This gives me a chance to use the pedestrian overpass that has a vantage point to see the F/A-18’s‼️ Alas they are not on show. Perhaps they are chalk outlines that can only be seen from the air or satellite 🛰️ I work out my directions and take the left off the roundabout that deposited me on rolling hills into a little village and out. ᏀᗩᏒᗰ¡ᑎ announces a significant climb ᕼᗩᏒᗪ ᑎO! It’s time to about turn…↩️ I’m only wearing the Vanguard’s 😎 TOᗪᗩY so The Dame is handling the tunes [T¡ᕮᏚTO - not quite the unfamiliar tracks but TOᗰOᏒᏒOᗯ for sure] Messaging which she refuses to read. Photos and Video. I’ll be out 90 minutes max so should be good on battery 🔋 especially around the airport where various radar 📡 etc are interfering with my music - ᕼOᗯ Ꮢᑌᗪᕮ! [👺 It’s a clear day how hard can it be to land a plane?🛬] I am passed by a slim trim rider that I won’t see ᗩᏀᗩ¡ᑎ at that pace. Except I do. Well this time, …nope there they are ᗩᏀᗩ¡ᑎ. Are they doing intervals or something? [👺Or maybe they’re triplets?] The wind 💨 has decided to be a headwind 💨 Thanks 🙏🏾 I take delight in using the flyover…🤗 Quick left quick right and I’m back at the Hotel 🏨 Then THEY ponder 👺”Don’t you want to do “Twenty’s Plenty?” So I ride two roundabouts up the ᏒOᗩᗪ turn around and come back to the Hotel 🏨 ᗩᏀᗩ¡ᑎ. O&B&B recovery ride over… A gadget charging audit is required…🪫 Star Wars… Star Trek: [Take your pick, no pun intended, little bit 🤏🏾]… Apocalypse Now… Dirty Harry…

ᗪᕮᗩᏒ ᗪ¡ᗩᏒY: I’m up early after yesterday’s celebrations - Rock ‘n’ Roll. Four episodes of The Big Bang Theory, some retail therapy [👺Wow, I’d hate to witness a shopping spree 🛍️] So I have decided to do 7am 🕖 ᗷᏒᕮᗩᏦFᗩᏚT...🥓🍳☕️. This crowd are not as rowdy as the 8am 🕗 diners [👺still asleep 😴] Prime real estates are the double tables next to the windows. This room is big, easily 60-80 meters long ᗩᑎᗪ then some. Tables for four line the areas inside the double tables. The dilemma for single diners and pairs is they want the view but are not willing to reside on the tables for four, for fear that four diners will frown upon their frugal use of such a big table - it’s a dilemma FOR sure…😳 I start the new 🆕 streamlined collection of my ᗷᏒᕮᗩᏦFᗩᏚT... ☕️🍞🥓🍳. only to be triggered by the Chef 👩‍🍳 stirring the baked beans 🫘 at the exact moment I’m collecting the eggs 🍳 ‼️…😱🤢 I’m in a “tail spin…” [👺easy reference if you’ve been paying attention] “I just threw up in my mouth a little bit” [👺Back2Back quotes] By the time 🕰️ I recover my ᗷᏒᕮᗩᏦFᗩᏚT... ☕️🍞🥓🍳 is ᑕOᏞᗪ🥶 ᗩᏀᗩ¡ᑎ…🤷🏾‍♂️ “There’s always tomorrow…”🎶🎵 [👺ᗩᑎᗪ a music lyric] just got to approach the eggs 🍳while there is no one within 10 meters… I replace all the eye wateringly 😢expensive mini bar drinks before leaving as I’m going to let house keeping in TOᗪᗩY to spruce the place up. Don’t want them inadvertently charging me for a KitKat - €100 please…😱 I’m heading out towards the airport ᗩᏀᗩ¡ᑎ then up. I’m not sure I’m ready for this, but there are some built in ᖴᗩ¡Ꮮ safes that will bring me back to sea-level, some are better than others. At the first significant climb I’m already l👀king to “Eject eject EJECT!..” [👺We’re repeating quotes now] that would be turn around and go back the way you came. I hate this period of doubt when your body can’t decide whether to burn fat or ATP “Either make the decision yourself of let the situation decide for you!…” [👺That’s cold, no non-geek is going to get that quote] You immediately feel tired. This climb is 427 meters and we are 27 meters in and I’m feeling frazzled. Bail out one comes and goes. I recognise the ᏒOᗩᗪ surface, rough and energy sapping. It’s 6-7 or 8% it’s hard to concentrate. I am passed by two riders one of which is breaking all the rules and riding on the white line. I don’t want to let this infringement go but I can’t catch him up, tap on his shoulder and say “Disculpe señor, ¿sabe usted que circular por la línea blanca infringe muchas normas y bajo la lluvia puede ser peligroso?” I don’t have the energy [👺or the vocabulary in Spanish] ᕼOᗯᕮᐯᕮᏒ, he’s on to something. It’s not raining 🌧️and they are smoother…🤔 It’s not very wide and the concentration is taking my mind off the pain. “gracias señor…” Before I know it I’m at my usual rest spot. It’s good to see that “some things never change…” [👺That movie is 22 years old] there’s still no disco 🕺 dancing on the mountain. I consume Contraband and get on my way. I forge ahead and up⬆️. The scenery is wonderful worth all the pain 😩 and suff… Oh this is the top?…🤔 Only the Observatory is above me. I was prepared for at least another 30 minutes more suffering. Oh well I’m not as far behind 24 months ago as I expected. The descents here are quick, technical and unforgiving. I’m staying well inside my ᑕOᗰᖴOᏒT ZOᑎᕮ @gar you’ll be pleased to know I gave ᗪᗩKOTᗩ ᖴC a good check this morning [👺He even kicked the tyres] I love the way you can observe corners ahead and adjust your line accordingly. I’m way out of practice and my confidence in ᗪᗩKOTᗩ ᖴC is. not as high as it should be, but the RX-4+’s would be sublime if the front wasn’t still rubbing - and I need that 0.00000001 watts it would make all the difference. [👺You’re joking right? He’s joking… isn’t he?] This descent is my favourite on the island 🏝️ I’m sad that I’m not skilled enough, brave enough, talented enough or young enough to do it justice [👺I’d question that last attribute 🤔 Experience is what you need] 40+ rides down that piece of ᏒOᗩᗪ and you can’t help but go quicker. It’s a rush top to bottom. I should probably think about climbing it. Maybe ᏚᑌᑎᗪᗩY, maybe. There are lots of people going up. I don’t envy them. I take an eclectic route through town and pour it on against a head wind 💨 sussing out my lost KOᗰ👑 I’m doing 28 mph which is 6 mph under the average. It ain’t going to happen. This ᏒOᗩᗪ is bumpy. Also the police 👮 have setup a speed trap at the roundabout. There’s no way they’re going to be happy🤗 to watch a bicycle exceed the speed limit [👺Great story thought - “Remember when you got arrested… ⛓️‍💥👮] Oh how we laughed…😂 There’s a very aero dark green Cube against the railings opposite El Viento. I considered parking 🅿️ ᗪᗩKOTᗩ ᖴC there several times but any further than arms length, the equation for catching our opportunistic larcenist [🇬🇧 Tea-Leaf] drops off dramatically. Some are very quick and I don’t like my chances in cycling shoes [👺Who are you kidding? You could be wearing spikes on a running track with a head start, then maybe?…🤔] I bring ᗪᗩKOTᗩ ᖴC in resting her against the wall beside my table. My burger 🍔 is devoid of cheese 🧀 + well done which is medium. Much better. The San Miguel 🍺 is always perfect …👌🏾 Just the 2% hill back to the Hotel full of meat 🥩 and beer. 🍺 I should find somewhere closer… Top Gun… Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story… Annie… Ghost in the Shell… The Matrix Reloaded…

ᗪᕮᗩᏒ ᗪ¡ᗩᏒY:. Many Happy Christmas greetings to read / send [👺if you didn’t receive one, he don’t like you. Joking, not joking, joking…🤣] Merry Christmas Everyone 🎅🏾 I avoided the baked beans 🫘 at ᗷᏒᕮᗩᏦFᗩᏚT...🥓🍳☕️ but I have to organise my self-service more efficiently so that my food isn’t ᑕOᏞᗪ🥶 when I sit down. TOᗰOᏒᏒOᗯ I’ll try toast while multitasking coffee then eggs 🍳bacon 🥓 sausage. [👺we concur 👍🏾] Leaving the Hotel 🏨 I found out that Christmas Dinner 🍽️ needed to be booked ᗩᑎᗪ was now fully booked. That got fucked up in translation. Meh! …ᗰ 🍔🍟 It’s a chilly🥶 15°c [🇺🇸 59°f] as I noodle through the town [👺Where? Exactly?] ᗩᏀᗩ¡ᑎ Meh!🤷🏾‍♂️ Things are about to get worse. I warm up quickly as I don’t have the ᏒOᗩᗪᏚ to myself, cars 🚗 [Any colour] don’t so much stop 🛑 at the stop 🛑 signs 🪧 but glance while rolling forwards expecting it, entitledly, to be clear. “No, don’t panic” [👺No one under 30 is getting that one] I wasn’t hit by a car 🚗 [Any colour] yet. It started to drizzle more of a refreshing spray,. before the heavens opened up and drowned me…💦 💦 💦 💦 💦 💦 💦 I didn’t have chance to stop 🛑 and shelter. The water is coming out of my shoes, “I hate when it’ does that..” [👺Ooh and oldie but a great film, and epic sequel]…Grrrrr‼️🤬 The headwind 💨 now in a complete 180° from yesterday is making things difficult, but the cars 🚗 [Any colour] were patient. I follow ᏀᗩᏒᗰ¡ᑎ almost to the letter passing under landing planes. I spy a beach 🏖️ ᗩᑎᗪ take a diversion. I wonder what’s up there?…👆🏾[👺We can tell you - STAIRS‼️] D’oh! My KRYPTONITE, lots of them, but I want to see the sea from up there. Making it to the top where the ᗯᕮᗩTᕼᕮᏒ and maybe because it’s Christmas Day 🎄there is nobody here. It’s a great view and I can see the F/A-18 hangers ᕼOᗯᕮᐯᕮᏒ, no F/A-18’s - “Bugger, bugger, bugger, bugger” [👺too easy anyone who read the title of the ride knows this] It’s a Christmas present 🎁 It was always a hit or miss with the F/A-18’s it is Christmas Day 🎄. So now the moment of truth. Down the stairs… not going to lie there is some ᗩᑎ᙭¡ᕮTY ᗩᑎᗪ thankfully there is a rusty hand rail - I’ll take it. The drifts of sand were a nice touch, too. After clearing my cleats and emptying the sand from my shoes, I was off ᗩᏀᗩ¡ᑎ. Bumping into Santa after a ᕼᗩᏒᗪ nights work [👺Ai, I never thought I’d see the day. It’s not even his face! ᗩᑎᗪ why can’t the all conquering Ai spell ᕈ¡ᑎᗩᏒᕮᏞᏞO? ᗩᑎᗪ why the sail on the seat post?]. Yesterday, I used the Aftershoks headphones 🎧 to play tunes [Sasha - Avalon Los Angeles CA 26/06/04] a change from the norm, that had its moments. The Vanguards were used for video and some pictures. The Dame tried to take control of the music and had to be overridden a few times - but they were at 46% battery 🪫 when I returned, which I thought was very good. So instead of announcing to the world 🌍 that I’m recording by shouting “Meta, CAPTURE!…” I thought I’d assign a button - YOU CAN’T‼️ I’m going to l👀k deeper but as far as I can tell you can reassign the buttons, but not to capture video…👎🏾 With this in mind I started Hyper-Lapse which is probably better cause most of the video isn’t interesting unless you’re cornering at 60mph, tight behind a car 🏎️ [Any colour] but not a Red Ferrari in California that smacks a wall and kills the creator of Call of Duty… [👺he’d be more cut up but he’s really not a fan of the last Black Ops] We digress, ᗩᏀᗩ¡ᑎ… as always. Hyper-Lapse is like a fast forward ⏩ of a longer period of time. I think it’s more interesting but the downside is, now you’re recording for longer, if you leave it on it will run for 30 minutes 1 min Hyper-Lapse = 10mins recording. Battery life 🪫 is drained quickly. As I have already said the glasses are good so have there use once the battery 🪫is dead - and because the Aftershoks are handling the tunes, I don’t lose my music. I don’t remember the. Micro-Tramlining Tiles along the waterfront, so I got out of there as soon as I could. After the DEEP FAKE…🤣 I’m not really used to retaking photo’s but the route took me past my favourite row of windmills, that triggered me taking a million photos last time I was here - so I thought why not? [👺I’ll tell you why not - cause ᏚTᏒᗩᐯᗩ bordered the photo top and bottom and confused the whole l👀k] Meh! I considered continuing on for another 5-10 miles but the Hotel 🏨 was right there, next to the Golden Arches… Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy… Top Gun… The Thursday Murder Club…

ᗪᕮᗩᏒ ᗪ¡ᗩᏒY: The palm Trees 🌴🌴 are a lot calmer this morning. The ᗯᕮᗩTᕼᕮᏒ ᏒᕮᕈOᏒT App I’ve been using for years has been giving me an overall guesstimate of the whole island 🏝️ [like that only bigger] Gran Canaries is close to the equator on the same line as the Sahara Desert 🌵 but the volcano 🌋 is inactive [👺 last eruption 2000 years ago] breaks the clouds 🌧️ so it rains on the other side of the island 🏝️ more than here [👺he still doesn’t know what town this is]…🤷🏾‍♂️ Anyway the temperature should be low 20’s °c [🇺🇸68°f]. I navigate ᗷᏒᕮᗩᏦFᗩᏚT...🥓🍳☕️. which is Full English, such a relief, but the self-serve baked beans 🫘 are a little 🤏🏾 too close to the eggs 🍳 for me. I’m almost triggered but I’ll be on alert for TOᗰOᏒᏒOᗯ. I’m an ᗩᑎ᙭¡OᑌᏚ traveler who rants a lot [👺we never noticed]. If my desire to see shit 💩 fades, I will never leave my home ᗩᏀᗩ¡ᑎ‼️But for now my decision is whether to see the Dunes or go to the airport to try to see the FA/18’s…🤷🏾‍♂️ I observed both while on approach to the island yesterday but I’m sure I can do better… Nooooo‼️ I lost my KOᗰ👑 earlier this month. Someone was crazy 🤪 enough to speed down that broken ᏒOᗩᗪ at 34 mph…😱 Bravo 👏🏾 I choose The Dunes [👺mistake‼️] I am pleasantly surprised once I noticed a ‘windmill’ [👺the place is littered with them] The wind 💨 what little there is, is a headwind 💨 This bodes well for the return journey. Two years ago it was a constant tailwind to Maspalomas. There are many professional l👀king groupetters. Under 30, their weight only just exceeding double their age in kilos. I’m not bitter, …much. They wave 👋🏾 going uphill with the wind 💨 at their backs and their whole lives in front of them. [👺Youth is wasted on the young…😱] When I reach the Gary J-T instigated Dunes [👺yes, he is still the Puppet Master] The path is impassable on a ᗷ¡Ꮶᕮ. The beach is heavily populated. Plan B is to ride to Morgan and back but I’m leaking 💦 like a buckshot watering can…🪣 [That’s close enough] While cooling down in the guise of taking pictures a Pinarello Dogma X roles up with a Trek SL63…😂 Thankfully they are 20+ meters away so they can’t see ᗪᗩKOTᗩ ᖴC’s war wounds. Said owner / rentee has opted for the Black/Red/Gold-Yellow gloss fade finish…nope! It’s not my colour - choose one…☝🏾 Then to my dismay one of the ᏚTᏒᕮᕮTᏚ trader’s asks if I want to buy a pair of sunglasses 😎 WTAF‼️…😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣…😂🤣 my stomach is still hurting…. I leave Maspalomas heading back to the GC-500 inadvertently passing a hand-cycle on the way uphill. Now I have to pour it on, not cause I don’t want to get passed by a disabled person, but by rule of thumb, if you pass someone you need to keep up the performance although that rule can be waved [👺 no pun intended] on a climb because we all climb at different speeds. I seem to pass a lot of Ꮢ¡ᗪᕮᏒᏚ and start to feel a little conscious “I’m not going faster, everybody else is going slower...” [👺 only YOU like that film] There are not many ᏒOᗩᗪᏚ on the island 🏝️ you’re either in the mountains 🏔️ / volcano’s 🌋or on this ᏒOᗩᗪ. I am passed by two under 60kg Ꮢ¡ᗪᕮᏒᏚ who stay equi distance away meaning they were going the same speed and only sped up to pass, hence my earlier dilemma with the hand-cycle. They dusted me on the next climb. I only passed them cause “courier mode” doesn’t exist here. Under passing cars 🚗 [red or otherwise] is frowned upon. More investigation is necessary [👺hence the issue yesterday] …My Bad🤷🏾‍♂️ So now I’m in traffic and it’s boring. I pull off and sweep downhill into a cove. There are hotels 🏨, apartments the sea 🌊, and a court yard with scantily clad people. I consume an apple 🍏 contraband. Thanks @gart I think these will outlast “Is that Donald Trump?...” [👺love that movie] You would‼️ Great forward thinking 💭 I take a sharp incline up 🆙 and prepare to “Do everything you did in reverse…” [👺No man is getting that quote…🤣] I don’t know how many climbs there are back to thingymebob [🇺🇸 it, or an object, or that aka “thingymejig”] but on the first ouchy climb a 50kg wet 💦 Ꮢ¡ᗪᕮᏒ passed me like I was going backwards. I would’ve let it go [👺whether you know it or not you’re always racing “3… 2.. 1. Go GO GO‼️”] It wasn’t his fault. Two people recorded him going over the top and around the corner. I enquired if they wanted to film me? I didn’t take their laughter 🤣personally [👺but we did‼️] here comes the rub lightweight. “What goes up, slowly. Has the weight and the power 💪🏾 to come down, fast and carry that momentum to go back up quickly” Especially if you’ve dismissed his fat arse.] I carried my speed through the corner [ note to self: Tᕼᕮ ᗰᗩTᏒ¡᙭ has made you soft at high-speed cornering ᗩᑎᗪ those RX4+’s are sharp as my Ninja 🥷 Knives 🔪 that cut using their own weight & gravity‼️ I digress. ᗩᏀᗩ¡ᑎ…🫣 I coasted behind 50kg boy just so he could hear 👂🏾 the open bearings of the DT Swiss’s. He Ꮮ¡TᕮᏒᗩᏞᏞY double took behind himself as I swept past doing 28 mph up-hill… Yeah he smoked 🚬 me back to Maspalomas ᕼOᗯᕮᐯᕮᏒ, it was a valuable lesson learnt I hope. Oh to be as talented and light and young as him. Although my beer …🍺 will taste sweeter later… no alcohol for you child. Over the far side of the underpass at Maspalomas two electric ⚡️ ᗷ¡ᏦᕮᏚ exited as I passed [👺 brave] ᗩᑎᗪ possibly miss lead I didn’t think ᗷ¡ᏦᕮᏚ were allowed under there…🚳 As I coast downhill a tall ᗷ¡Ꮶᕮ with a taller rider passes me all over the place. I get ᗩᑎ᙭¡ᕮTY just watching. When I pass later I say “Ola” 👋🏾 I am borked at a roundabout and they get away. On the last significant climb Tᕼᕮ 2 electric ⚡️ ᗷ¡ᏦᕮᏚ pass me at full-gas ⛽️ [👺15 mph] They l👀k impressive until 3 miles later. Even with the motor, full-gas ⛽️ will take its toll 🕯️. Either one of them was out of juice 🪫or juice😫. They were crawling along “Ola” 👋🏾 Then just before El Viento a driver 🚗 [WHITE] didn’t anticipate that ᗷ¡ᏦᕮᏚ are not allowed 🚫 on motorways 🛣️ so of course I’m going straight at the entrance to the motorway 🛣️ there’s always one, there’s a heavy application of brakes, words are exchanged...🤬 And I was going to comment how patient everyone was…🤷🏾‍♂️ Please 🙏🏾 explain this to your friends family anyone with driving experience so they can point out your error…🤯 Logical thinking‼️ El Viento was an oasis, but the burger was too heavy and the beer 🍺 was too nice… I swallowed both then head back to the Hotel 🏨 That’s how you turn a flat 30 mile ride into something strange…🤡 Days of Thunder… American Psycho… Barbie… Sir Issac Newton / ᕈᏒOᑎOᑌᑎ👺…

ᗪᕮᗩᏒ ᗪ¡ᗩᏒY: Ꮢ❤️ How in 2025 are you going to come to an International Airport without a plan?! I get stuck behind the guy that has never been through customs 🛂 LIKE EVER! Then completely ignores everyone in front of him so still has no idea what to do, ever heard of mimic mate? There are only 500 people in this hall doing the same thing‼️Take off your jacket place it in the tray. Put your bag in the tray. Yes, put your other bag in the tray. Absolutely put your rucksack in THE TRAY! Dude there’s a pattern here WTF 🤬 There are some implied actions going on - when in doubt follow your girlfriend’s actions or the instructions from the customs 🛂 assistant. Once through the X-Ray / Scan machine I got as far from them as possible, leaving as he is pulled aside to explain the contents of his 3 bags 💼💼🎒Unfortunately, I know that won’t be our last meeting…🫣 The Camden big ᗷᏒᕮᗩᏦFᗩᏚT...🥓🍳☕️ w/o Beans 🫘 has become obligatory ᗩᑎᗪ distinctly “Ordinary” substituting chips 🍟 for hash browns. They’re both potato 🥔 but not the same…👎🏾 I scan the restaurant as many of these people normally end up on the same plane ✈️ [yep blue & white] The lady wearing the Cow 🐄 [just like that minus the head 🐮] is a obvious choice. As I have a middle seat 💺 two of these people are going to be bookending me…🙄 ᖴᏒᗩᑎᏦO delivered me door-2-door without hassle or fuss. He has matured in the last few months. Actually making conversation. I’m a day early for his new car 🚗 [I never asked the colour] A super Skoda Estate. It’s even automatic because of all the motorway 🛣️ miles and traffic jams he must traverse…Vroom vroom 🏎️ [not a Skoda not even close.] The Ryanair App flashes a gate number at me. I’m not repeating Septembers fiasco. I’ll give it a ᑎᕮᗯ YOᏒᏦ🗽 minute before I go…🤨 Time seemed to get away from me and I’m one of the last people to board, but priority boarding isn’t really a benefit as my seat 💺 is already allocated. The guy to my left is 5’4” and has no seat 💺 in front of him. He jokes “I’m glad I’m 6’4”…” I’m not laughing 🤨 The girl to my right has never flown before. Her face is drained, I can see the back of her driving licence so she’s at least 17. Her long dark hair is contrasting her pale drained sharp features. She l👀ks like a slim pale... ᗯᕮᗪᑎᕮᏚᗪᗩY. The Matriarch of the family is sitting opposite in the 3 front seats 💺💺💺 ᗯᕮᗪᑎᕮᏚᗪᗩY is not her child. That honour is the BIG guy in the isle seat 💺 [👺 later we find out that he’s ᗯᕮᗪᑎᕮᏚᗪᗩY’Ꮪ boyfriend - the gentleman that put his ᑕOᗰᖴOᏒT before his girlfriends ᗩᑎ᙭¡ᕮTY ᗩᑎᗪ sat her next to the Resting Bitch Faced ᗷᏞᗩᑕᏦ dude] ᗯᕮᏞᑕOᗰᕮ! ᕈᏒOᑎOᑌᑎ👺 glad you could make it. They’ve been asleep 💤 We hit the ᏒOᗩᗪᏚ at 2am‼️ I’m too exposed to use my iPad 4’6” is watching documentaries and ᗯᕮᗪᑎᕮᏚᗪᗩY is trying to watch Gilmore Girls while the Matriarch reminds her of her fears every 2 minutes “Are you okay? 🆗. there’s nothing to be worried about” [👺you’ll be dead before we hit the ground in a ball of flames 🔥] I don’t feel I can watch something without being judged so I listen to 4 hours of music on my iPhone that I’ve never heard 👂🏾 WTF‼️My Max’s 🎧 are ᗩᗰᗩZ¡ᑎᏀ! How did I travel without them. [👺Tinnitus👂🏾] So hands up 🙌🏾 if you knew this already. When the pilots 👩‍✈️ 🧑‍✈️ wants to use the toilet 🚽 they put on the fasten your seatbelt sign so everyone must go back to their seats 💺 then swap with a member of the cabin crew…🤯 [👺so it’s not always turbulence then] well not in the Sky…😂 [👺he’s here all week folks] On landing, which felt like a handbrake turn ↪️ There’s the obligatory baggage scuffle as my rucksack 🎒 is 4 rows back, but I’m still 2nd off the plane ✈️ [Almost exactly] behind 4’6” who has a 50 meter head start. ᗯᕮᗪᑎᕮᏚᗪᗩY and Not-Family are a close 3rd. I spy a sign that says “LONDON/STN” that 6’4” has ignored. I holla at him and he say it’s not that way. [👺why-O-why would you trust him] I checked the door 🚪 [except glass] ᗩᑎᗪ it’s locked 🔒…🤷🏾‍♂️ maybe he’s right? [👺he’s not] Now we are walking down a long corridor 400+ meters ᗩᑎᗪ ALL of the passengers are following us‼️…🫣 The Matriarch says “I think you were right…” 4’6” gets to the end 50 meters ahead - his shoulders drop, I turn on the spot. Words to the effect of “Your mate…” are spoken in my direction. I stop ✋🏾 “wow! He ain’t with me‼️ I’m Hans… fill him in if you like…👊🏾”[ 🇺🇸 punch 🥊 him] I’m now aligned with ᗯᕮᗪᑎᕮᏚᗪᗩY and Not-Family [👺 it’s safer in numbers] 4’6” doesn’t dare pass us on the long walk back to the BACK of a very long queue. 4’6” waits the statutory amount of time 🕰️ then makes a break for the digital passport line much to the disapproval of the Spanish 🇪🇸 customs 🛂 assistants who wave him on, rather than argue. We all wait in anticipation for the big “Computer Says NO…🖕🏾” It doesn’t happen but I can’t be bothered and the Not-Family don’t seem interested. We take another 15 minutes to get through customs 🛃 call it 30 in total to say our goodbyes 👋🏾 ᗩᑎᗪ leave the Airport. 4’6” is walking down the pavement [🇺🇸 sidewalk] behind me to the taxi 🚕 rack… There’s no shortcuts if the Universe deems you unworthy…🤣 My cab deposits me at my hotel that is falling apart and rougher than Neverfield, Coffee Hall and Beanhill put together…🤥 [👺He’s lying 🤥 l👀k at those pics we posted] It’s 11am and my room is ready… After unpacking I trott [👺shameful exaggeration] to the Carrefour for beer 🍺 ᗩᑎᗪ water 💦 The Hotel 🏨 is doing a complementary Christmas Dinner 🍽️ so food is unnecessary [👺 until it is…] Google says Carrefour is 400 meters away - 2 miles later it was right there on the first-floor past the Denny’s [ 🇬🇧 Little Chef 🧑‍🍳] McDonalds [ 🇺🇸 McDonalds] and the food of Gods Pizza 🍕 something in Spanish 🇪🇸 I struggle back to the Hotel 🏨 with my flimsy Sainsbury’s “bag for life” [👺the life of a Mayfly 🪰] promising to spill chocolate 🍫 & beer 🍺 into the streets of… [👺he Ꮮ¡TᕮᏒᗩᏞᏞY doesn’t know what town this is…🫣] As I. make it to my room… I’m run down by the eager bar tender. He’s speaking 🗣️ Spanish 🇪🇸 I’m speaking louder in English 🇬🇧 “Let’s call the whole thing off…”🎶 When I bring out my phone 📱 to translate - it appears I’m not the guy that left his phone [👺Android 📱] On the bar. Unless it’s my Burner… Dying to meet him now though…🤣🌚[👺 that’s the No-Moon, can’t make this shit 💩 up‼️] The fridge is now cleared of eye wateringly 😢 expensive Coke and Water 💦 replaced by Beer 🍺 Water 💦 and Chocolate 🍫 ᗪᗩKOTᗩ assembled herself 🤷🏾‍♂️ [👺no blame on you when parts start dropping off…🔩] ᕼOᗯᕮᐯᕮᏒ, the shakedown Ꮢ¡ᗪᕮ was more stay planted than anything else. The wind 💨 was gusting 💨 ᗩᑎᗪ I can see why I still have that KOᗰ👑 In 2 years that ᏒOᗩᗪ has disintegrated. My first ᏒOᗩᗪ-Rage Spanish 🇪🇸 driver, didn’t want me to pass on the right so pulled. into the barrier to block me. [👺🤟🏾🤙🏾🤌🏾] I went around the left… I’m back at the hotel 🏨 you’re still on a traffic jam…🤷🏾‍♂️ It’s Miller Time… 🕰️🍺

ᗪᕮᗩᏒ ᗪ¡ᗩᏒY: I love it when a plan comes together [👺 Wow!straight out of the blocks!] After 3 solid days at the home office, writing reports, long Teams meetings and sooo many emails 📧 ! I needed a good day with reasonable English 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 ᗯᕮᗩTᕼᕮᏒ for a long Ꮢ¡ᗪᕮ. After completing Gears of War Reloaded & Gears of War Ultimate Edition both “Hans” on Insane difficulty 🤪😱 The Universe provided - Call of Duty Black Ops 6! Oh ᗩᑎᗪ the Sun ☀️ came out. I planned to leave at midday but got antsy, at 10:00h I dropped the Xbox controller, then realised I had not unpacked my case & bike box 📦 from ᗰOᑎᗪᗩY’s trip home, and there are items in both needed. Plus there was a stack of washing 🍽️ 🥄 🍴 and a stack of washing 👖👘🩳 [👺not sure where the kimono came from?] I need to sort this stuff now cause later I won’t have the NRG. I’m out the door a little 🤏🏾 after 11:00h pick up the coffee cups from the workman’s break yesterday and I’m out of here. I’ll stop 🛑 at Deanshanger for a sandwich 🥪 of some sort and away. Even the DPD driver waved me across the road. The Universe provides ᗩᏀᗩ¡ᑎ! 🙌🏾 At Deanshanger [👺he forgets the name of the café - The Coffee Stop] I order a sausage roll for now and a sausage and bacon 🥓 bap for “Ron.” While I wait I go against the Universe and l👀k at a work email 📧…🫣 [👺 WTF! Never Ever read work emails while riding!] Now the 50 minute head start is diminishing… Thanks @jwill for talking me down. Hey @mark & @stev who passed in matching outfits on their way to Salcey Good talk @jamie Finally I’m on the ᏒOᗩᗪ and in my head space making plans ᏒᕮᗪᗩᑕTᕮᗪ and decisions ᏒᕮᗪᗩᑕTᕮᗪ Before I know it I’m at Molly’s but they ain’t serving hot food after 13:45h 👎🏾 Onwards to the George 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 & Dragon 🐉. They have limited everything 👎🏾Sausage roll ᗩᏀᗩ¡ᑎ [👺he’s forgotten the sausage & bacon 🥓 bap in his jersey pocket]🫣 Swing back up to Whitchurch and back to Cublington back to Ashton Abbots then Wing and back up to MK through Stewkley and Mursley.. A little triggering as the roads are bumpy, there are road works and ᖴᏒ¡ᗪᗩY afternoon traffic is impatient! As I pull in front of base some guy says “You need a better bike…” ᕼOᗯ Ꮢᑌᗪᕮ! I have music playing and only catch part of his sentence. My “pardon“ must have come across as aggressive cause he apologised and praised ᑎᕮᐯᗩᗪᗩ. I think he was being ironic. I said she’s good enough still AI ing his ᖴ¡ᏒᏚT sentence. Only working it out once I was in the lift 🛗 Oh that’s what he said…🤷🏾‍♂️ 💯 km as planned by the Universe. Apple 🍏 have summoned me to pick up my AirPod 3 Pro with translation software. Can’t wait until my boss speaks Polish 🇵🇱 again to the other Polish 🇵🇱 Station Commander…👂🏾🙌🏾 Yeah they’re right. I still have the sausage & bacon 🥓 bap from Deanshanger…🫠 [👺I pity the FOOL!] The A Team…